Welcoming Baby Stephen; A Family's Story of Blessings Through Loss | Southern Indiana Birth Photographer
I believe everyone has a beautiful and powerful story to tell. Sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it can be downright painful. It may take years or decades to be ready to share it, but when you do I’m certain that it will make an impact in someone’s life like you never imagined. Your story very well bring hope and encouragement to someone that desperately needs it right now. The wisdom you’ve gained by walking your hard journey may be exactly what another needs to get through their own battle. This is one of those stories.
I first met this amazing family when Tracy reached out to me about documenting the sweet season of life they were entering. She told me a bit about their story and the hardship they endured as they tried to grow their family. The pain and heartache they had to walk through is something no family should ever have to experience. When I met them at the hospital once Stephen had arrived I could truly feel the deep sense of joy and gratitude that their little boy was finally with them, happy and healthy. Watching sister Hayden cuddle and admire her little brother with so much love and awe was definitely one of the sweetest moments I’ve photographed.
Tracy recently sat down and wrote about the journey her family walked in order to get to Stephen. It wasn’t until I read her words that I realized how heavy and heartbreaking their path has been. As I read her story and reflected back on the short time I spent with them I cried, knowing what a true gift Stephen is to their family. A gift from God in every way, redeeming their story and bringing blessings out of unimaginable hardship.
I know sharing this story isn’t easy for Tracy or her family, but I hope and pray that her words will reach those that need the hope and encouragement that it brings. If this family’s story is meant to reach you, I hope it reminds you that you aren’t alone. I hope you can find renewed hope and trust that the hardship and pain you’re facing can be redeemed into something beautiful.
Stephen’s Birth Story
“I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go.”
Nancy Tillman
Our path to becoming parents was not traditional. When we found out we were having our daughter we were surprised. She was not planned, but we were excited and scared for what was ahead. When she was born, we immediately fell in love and could not imagine our life without her.
After she came along, we decided to wait to expand our family while I pursued my master’s degree. In my last year of school, we decided that it was a good time to start trying for another baby. It was easy the first time, so we did not think we would have any trouble, but we were older now so we thought it may take some time. After 6 months of trying, we found out we were pregnant. We had no reason to think anything could happen, so we told our daughter and family immediately.
When I was 10 weeks pregnant, I got rear ended and soon found out that I had miscarried at some point. We were devastated that we would never be able to meet that baby, but also that we would have to tell our daughter that she would have to wait to be a big sister. She was so sad, but we explained that God had another plan for that baby that was very important and that he would send us a baby when he was ready.
We were given the OK to start trying again and immediately got pregnant again. We were more cautious this time but were told that everything was going well. I was very sick, and we ended up telling my daughter because she was very worried about me. She was again so excited and had started praying every night for a brother or sister.
At 11.5 weeks we had another miscarriage and were again devastated. We decided to take a break and my doctors worked me up to see if they could find a reason for my multiple miscarriages. We found no answers and were told that I was healthy. We were given the go ahead to start trying again when we were ready. This time we decided to wait awhile and heal from the devastation that we had endured the past few months. My daughter continued to pray every day for a brother or sister.
After taking 6 months off, we decided to try again. We had healed over the summer, taken some much-needed family time, and felt like we were ready again. I got pregnant again quickly and was monitored again very closely. This time I was put on aspirin and progesterone in the hopes that it would help sustain the pregnancy. I went in about every 2-3 weeks for blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure everything was OK. When we made it past 12 weeks and had 2 strong heartbeats, we felt more and more optimistic with each week passing. This pregnancy was very hard. I had constant nausea and vomiting and lost almost 15 pounds. We felt like it was a good sign though, so I sucked it up and kept strong. We decided to find out early what we were having and at 17.5 weeks we went in for a gender ultrasound. What we thought would be a simple ultrasound to find out what we were having, turned into much more. The ultrasound tech went and got my doctor at the end of the exam. He told us that the baby had enlarged ventricles and he was not sure what that meant, so he was sending us to a maternal fetal medicine specialist. We had so much anxiety and had to wait 2 weeks to be seen. We googled every possible reason for enlarged ventricles and prayed that it was just down syndrome or something that we could handle at home. We were prepared for a medically fragile baby by the time we went to the appointment.
That appointment was one of the worst days of our lives. We found out that not only did our baby have enlarged ventricles, but his brain was not developed, he had no stomach or kidneys, he had a large amount of ascites due to no kidneys, and a large hygroma on the back of his brain causing it to herniate out of his skull. We were told he most likely had a chromosome abnormality, but they were not sure if it was Trisomy 13 or 18 and that it was incompatible with life. We did not know how long he would survive in utero but if he did make it to term, he would not survive long after birth. We were given options to think over and had bloodwork to determine if this was caused by something or just random. When they worked me up for the recurrent miscarriages, they looked at my chromosome and they were normal, so they felt like it was most likely a fluke, but they were being cautious.
Since we had made it so far without any complications, we had already told Hayden that she as going to be a big sister. She had come to the ultrasound with us to find out the gender. We now had to tell her for a third time that God was not ready for us to have another baby. She was devastated. She felt like she had done something wrong since she had been praying. It was heartbreaking to us, but we had to talk everyday how God had a plan for us.
We returned to the doctor 2 days later and found out that the baby’s heart had stopped. We had such mixed emotions because we were devastated, but also relieved that he would not have to suffer. I was admitted the next day to be induced to deliver him. The delivery was so hard emotionally, but we let Hayden name him. She chose the name Hunter Austin. We got him cremated and were able to always have a reminder of him.
We decided to try again quickly. I got pregnant again 2 months later. I was again watched very closely and did not tell anyone I was pregnant until well after 20 weeks. We found out early with testing that there were not any chromosome abnormalities and at 20 weeks we saw our little man for the third time. We were told it was a perfect ultrasound and he was growing normally. While so relieved, I still felt like something bad was going to happen. I was very guarded the whole pregnancy, but also excited for the future. I knew that Hunter Austin and our other babies were watching over this sweet boy growing inside of me.
Stephen Michael came into this world uneventfully on February 17, 2020. The moment they told me he was perfect, I cried tears of joy. I saw him and knew that all the pain we went through was for a reason. We had 3 angels watching over us. Hayden was in love with him the moment we told her she was going to be a big sister, for real this time. I cannot wait to see them grow up together and the bond that they will have. She still talks about her other babies and how they are in heaven watching over us. She thanks God every night for giving her a brother.
Having fertility issues can be a very lonely process. While my husband was there to grieve alongside me, I felt like it was my fault my body was failing us. I have many close friends that have also dealt with fertility issues, so it was comforting talking to someone who understood what I was going through. I still think about the babies I lost all the time. What would they look like? What would they be for Halloween? Would they play sports or spend more time on academics? Who would they marry? These are all questions I will never get answers to, but I feel comfort knowing they are watching over us and protecting us. Stephen is my rainbow after the storm.
When I left the hospital, I was given some things to help us remember Hunter, one of them being a book, “Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. I would read that book to Hunter every night for several months after we lost him. I now read that book to Hayden and Stephen and we always say a prayer to our Hunter Austin.
“You are my angel, my darling, my star…and my love will find you wherever you are.”
Nancy Tillman
